Yewande Adekoya |
Nollywood Actress, Yewande Adekoya-Abiodun, popularly called
Ednawey, has been married to actor and movie producer, Abiodun Thomas, for four
years. The couple share their love story
with BUKOLA BAKARE
How did you meet?
Thomas: I met my wife
in March 2008. I recall that I went to see a friend in the hospital and
she came to visit the same person. We
got talking and I liked her personality. Unfortunately, I lost her contact
along the line. A few months later, she returned to Ibadan for her youth
service and I reconnected with her.
Yewande: I met my husband in the city of Ibadan during my
youth service in 2008.
Was it love at first sight?
Yewande: Well, maybe and maybe not. I met him through a
mutual friend that we both had. He came to visit some friends and that was
where we saw each other. I guess he took a liking to me from there. Thereafter,
when I came for my youth service, we ran into each other again and realised
that we had met before and that was how we
started dating.
Thomas:I was quite fascinated by the way she talked and
comported herself when we met. From that point, every other thing fell into
place.
How long was your courtship and when did you tie the knot?
Yewande: We courted
for five years before we got married in 2013, so I would say that I have known
him for nine years now.
How would you describe your
marriage?
Thomas: The journey has not been easy but with God on our
side, we’ve been able to weather the storm.
Luckily, we’ve not been faced with situations that we couldn’t handle.
Marriage is not a bed of roses; when you fight, you always have to make up and
continue the journey.
Yewande: It’s been God all the way and I remain eternally
grateful to Him for helping us to steer our ship in the right direction. As you
know, there is no marriage that is perfect, you just have to keep working at
it. If anyone is expecting a smooth sail
in marriage, then such a person is not yet ready for marriage. For us, we were able to spend enough time
together before getting married and that gave us ample time to know each other
well. We both know each other’s likes
and dislikes. When one partner is sad or grumpy, the other party has an idea of
what could have gone wrong and know what solutions to proffer.There is a huge
difference between courtship and marriage.
Are there some things that you’ve discovered in your
marriage that didn’t manifest during your courtship?
Yewande: Luckily for me, I think I’ve always known him, so I
didn’t really have much to deal with
when we got married. I had an idea of what his
character looked like and I didn’t have problems whatsoever. The truth
is that it is not really easy to hide your behaviour for a long time. Even if
your partner doesn’t know you in totality, he or she must have an idea of what
you can do. When you eventually get married, you already have an idea of your
spouse’s character and you must be able to handle whatever comes your way. Being together for five years before our
marriage gave me enough time to study my husband, so there were no surprises or
shocks for me.
How would you describe parenting?
Yewande: Combining motherhood with work has not been easy,
but I thank God for my family. My husband is also very understanding and
we are both hands-on as parents.
Whenever we are out, our extended families cover up for us because they
understand that we both have to earn a living.
Thomas: Parenthood is another phase of life and when babies
are born, they come with their peculiarities. As a parent, you must be able to
adapt to these things. It’s another kettle of fish when they begin to crawl and
walk. Fatherhood has been quite an interesting journey for me and I thank God
for the privilege.
How often do you have disagreements and who apologises
first?
Thomas: When we have disagreements, I sometimes believe that
I am not at fault and being the good wife that she is, she always comes to my
rescue and apologises. However, we don’t allow our disagreements to roll into
the next day so, we just have to find a way to settle them before we go to bed.
Yewande: We do not quarrel too often because we understand
each other’s temperament so, it is easy to stay off confrontational situations.
You know the way we behave as Africans, no one wants to make the first move
after a disagreement, even though you know that you are at fault but at the end
of the day, I’ll apologise and he’ll also come round and do the same.
What are some of the problems people encounter in marriage
and what do you think is responsible for break-ups?
Yewande: In the first place, people must realise that no one
is perfect. While no one prays for a broken home, it can happen to anyone; a
celebrity or any other person. I think it takes the grace of God to sustain any
marriage. Secondly, before couples go into marriages, they must also be
determined to make their union work against all odds Problems could arise from
families on both sides, the work place, friends and the society so, it is up to
the both of you to mutually agree that the marriage must work. If one person is
working towards the success of the marriage and the other party puts up a nonchalant
attitude, it can’t work and that’s the simple truth. You’d just be working in
opposite directions and always meet a brick wall at all times but if the both
really want to make it work, if you are having challenges, you should quickly
realise that going your separate ways is not an option.When you put God into
the mix and constantly pray too, you would be able to surmount the challenges
that come your way and make your marriage a model one.
Thomas: The first thing people should realise is that nobody
is perfect, so you need to get to know your partner very well. If there are
certain character traits that you cannot condone, you will know from the
beginning. The problem is that most people recognise these shortcomings but
they just turn a blind eye. They delude themselves that they might be able to
change that person but it’s not that easy.
What advice would you give to couples who are just about to
get married?
Yewande: They should not expect their partners to change
after marriage because what you see is what you get. In other words, the
character that you’ve seen when you were dating is what you’ll get after the
marriage. Don’t expect your partner to
change overnight in marriage. They should also be prayerful at all times
because nothing can be done without God. Couples must also be content with what
they have because contentment is the key to happiness and the way life is
structured, you’d always find someone who is better than you in so many ways
and if you dwell on that, you’d never be happy, even in your marriage.
Thomas: My advice to intending couples is that they should
stick to God and put him first in all things, they must be prayerful. More
importantly, they should study each other and know themselves well before
getting married. They must be able to ask themselves, ‘‘Are we really good to
go, Is this person really good for me?” Once they can answer these questions,
they should back it up with prayers because God is the ultimate.
How would you describe your personalities?
Yewande: I am a workaholic and I think that sums me up.
Thomas: I’m simple and down-to-earth.
How do you unwind when you are not working?
Yewande: I am a
homely person I go out with my husband sometimes and those moments are
priceless. I don’t have to be taken
aboard a yacht or something before I can unwind with my husband so, once I have
some time to spend with him, I’d be relaxed.
Thomas: I like football, so you would find me watching or
playing the game. That’s a form a relaxation for me.
Your fourth wedding anniversary was on Valentine’s Day, how
did you celebrate it?
Yewande: Since it coincided with Valentine’s Day, we
celebrated it in a special way. We didn’t go out, we were just at home.
Thomas: This year, we just decided to stay indoors on our
anniversary day which was different from the norm. Last year, we travelled to
Oyo from Lagos and we went there two days before our anniversary date. It was
an avenue to unwind and get away from the hustle and bustle of Lagos.
What’s your husband’s favourite meal?
Yewande: He likes native food such as semo, eba, amala and
the likes.
Thomas: My wife knows that I relish these meals. For me, rice
is just there so, I prefer to go the traditional way.
What are your likes and your dislikes?
Yewande:I like people being honest with me and I like those
who are good at what they do. I also like proactive people and I hate liars;
and people who are friendly when they see you and say something else behind
your back. I cannot stand such people.
Thomas: I like people who have no airs and I loathe fake
people. I also like truthful people; it’s not as if everyone says the truth 100
per cent but try as much as possible to be at least 80 per cent truthful.
You both work in the same industry. Does it come with
disadvantages?
Yewande: I think working together is an added advantage for
me because we both understand the terrain and would be able to articulate our
thoughts well. When I say something, he understands. Whereas if he was a
doctor, lawyer or belongs to some other profession, he may not understand my
line of argument and it’s better for me. For instance, we’ve been on the same
set several times and there is nothing to it. At that point, I am able to
detach myself and know that I’m working with a colleague.
Thomas: There is no big deal working in the same industry
with my wife. As a matter of fact, it’s fun and when we are on the same set, we
just get straight to business like the professionals that we are.
Can a marriage survive solely on love without finance and
vice-versa?
Yewande: That’s a tough question, you need to have both if
you want to have a successful marriage. Love is very important because when you
have the money and everything and there is no love, you’ll lose the excitement
and sparkle in your marriage. In the same vein, a marriage cannot survive
without finance and couples may go their separate ways as a result of its
non-availability in the home.
Thomas: I think both elements are significant in marriage;
you don’t have one without the other because they both work together. It’s not
as if one must have a huge sum of money but something must always be available
for the running cost of the home to avoid frictions.
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