Is your boyfriend or girlfriend a compulsive or pathological
liar and do you think confronting him or her will only make matters worse? Here
are ways to handle the situation
Spot the lie:
The first thing you have to do is be able to spot your
lover’s lie. Of course, the telltale signs would be there and you need to open
your eyes wide to be able to identify them. In any case, most of the lies
lovers tell go undetected, simply because those involved downplay the chance
that a partner would actually lie, while in addition, they overestimate their
ability to spot their partner’s lies. Watch out for signs such as trying to
avoid the truth during conversations. That is a sure way to know what you are
in for.
Be honest about your feelings:
According to www.youqueen.com, many people make the mistake
of hiding what they truly feel about their lover’s lie. Don’t hide what you
feel. Be honest with him or her and say how much you hurt, and even more
importantly, tell him or her why it hurts so much. Emphasise that it will be a
long time before you fully trust again.
Be honest, don’t just say “it’s okay” and then harbour all
those negative feelings. You have to own up to them so that you can be able to
forgive him or her.
Take a break:
It’s also okay to take a break from each other and let the
tension and anger settle down. Trying to force a fake calm is much worse than
just giving yourself a little time away from each other.
Pay attention to actions, not words:
After a lie, your lover’s words will not mean much to you.
You’ll constantly wonder if he or she’s lying again or if he’ or she’s just
trying to say the right things so he or she can keep lying to you in the
future. You will have a difficult time trusting his or her words, so pay closer
attention to his or her actions. If he’s actually doing what he says he’ll do
to make things right,and you can then trust his actions.
Take your time:
Don’t feel like you have to be in a hurry to forgive your
boyfriend or girlfriend for lying to you. This isn’t a race to clear your
emotions. Trust takes time to build, and even longer to rebuild after it’s been
broken. Take the time you need to rebuild your trust.
Set some guidelines:
After someone breaks your trust, there will be questions and
fears, but there will also be some very serious concerns surrounding the
situation regarding the lie. For example, if your man or woman cheated on you
with a co-worker, then you will, without a doubt, want him or her to stop
working with that woman or man.
If your man lied to you when he was out with his friend (a
friend of questionable character), then you will want him to spend less time
with that friend. Don’t be afraid to set up some guidelines so that he has the
chance to work on building your trust.
If he really wants to keep your relationship and rebuild the
trust, obvious and logical requests such as this will not be a problem for him
and he’ll be happy to make that sacrifice.
Still try to believe in your lover:
Finally, if you want to rebuild the trust in your
relationship after your boyfriend or girlfriend has lied to you, then you have
to actually believe in him or her. Remember that nobody’s perfect and people
make mistakes your relationship is worth fighting for and trying again. Believe
that person you fell in love with your partner and that he or she really wants
to prove that to you again.
Open your heart and allow your lover in, otherwise nothing he
or she ever does will make you trust again. A relationship takes two people,
through the bad and the good times, so believe in your partner and believe in
your relationship.
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